Let’s go back to the Disney characters Christmas tree sweater. I have become angry at my husband for some perceived transgression but now that I decided love is not a feeling, my commitment to my husband is not impacted by my temporary state. Even though I might be angry, I can still love him based on my decision to do so. Instead of lashing out impulsively because I am angry, I act in accordance to my decision and sit down and discuss what happened without the uncontrolled expression of rage and frustration. We resolve our issue without drawing psychological blood and this discussion will only make our relationship stronger. My feeling turns from anger to compassion and understanding. After all, feelings are fleeting and basing decisions on fleeting events is an immature response.
Another distinction between love as a feeling versus an action is related to the underlying assumption of Disney characters Christmas tree sweater. If you are using emotions to guide your actions, then each partner is looking for the other to make the situation feel better. When our needs are not being met, we consider the other person as failing in his role as spouse or partner.